Satan Gave Me A Taco
by A.C.P
Summary: Duo's wacky adventure. Has vampires! Original by Beck. Lawsuits, Bad!


Heero, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Duo are sitting in a large living room waiting for drinks to be distributed.  
They are talking of their eventful holidays. Heero is just finishing his, "It was so spongy, but then my pants  
fell down!"   
  
Everyone laughs.  
  
Duo snickers, "My time beat all yours. I had the best holiday."  
  
"Tell us then, bigshot. I bet it can't beat mine!" Heero puffed his chest out.  
  
Duo pulls a guitar out of nowhere, "I beg to differ..." Heero's eyes widen and he hangs his head, "Another song..."  
  
Duo begins to play...  
  
Satan gave me a taco and it made me really sick.  
The chicken was all raw and the grease was mighty thick.  
The rice was all rancid and the beans were so hard.  
I was gettin kinda dizzy, eating all the lard.  
There was aphids on the lettuce, and I ate every one.  
After I was done the salsa melted off my tongue.  
Pieces of totilla got stuck in my throat.  
And the stains on my clothes burned a hole in my coat.  
My stomach was-a tremblin' and I broke out in a rash.  
I was so dry and thirsty and I didn't have no cash.  
So I went and found a hose. Tore off all my clothes.  
Turned on the water and it shot up my nose.  
Some old lady came along and she thought I was a freak.  
So she beat me with a handbag until I could hardly speak.  
I was lyin' there naked. My body badly bruised.  
In a pool of my own blood, unconsious and confused.  
Well, the cops came and got me, and threw me in their van.  
I woke up on the celing and I couldn't find my hand.  
They took me to the judge, his eyes a glowin' red.  
The courtroom was filled with witches and the dead.  
The sheriff was a hellhound, with fangs and claws.  
The prisoners were tied up and chained to the walls.  
The air was gettin' thick. The smoke was getting thicker.  
The judge read the verdict, said, cut off his head.  
They placed me on the altar, raised up the axe.  
My head was about to explode when I noticed the martial stacks.  
I noticed all the smoke machines, cameras and the lights.  
Some guy with a microphone running around in tights.  
Then I noticed the crew, and the band playin' down below.  
Then I realized I was in a rock video.  
  
So I went and joined the band, and I went out on tour.  
I smoked a lot-o heroine and passed out in manure.  
I made out with the groupies, started fires backstage. (Yeah, started fires!)  
Made a lot of money, and gave it all away. (Gave it all to me)  
Well the band got killed, so I started a solo career.(Uh-huh)  
I won all the awards, and drank all the beer(drink it all up, get funky)  
I opened up a taco stand, just to smell the smell.(Oh yeah)  
Cookin' with the devil, fryin' down in hell.(Come to the buisness room)  
  
Heero jumped up immediately, "That didn't happen! You're an awful liar!!! Where's the proof?!"  
  
Duo smiled, "Here." He held out a small tape recorder/player.  
  
The date is... August 14, 1982. We were really bored, there's the dead animals we played with. The weed wacker we stole  
two of them. My friend Scott.. he fell and slipped on a Twinkie. His nose was covered with blood. The security   
helicopter shot a spotlight, and somebody.. pulled their pants dow... (It ends abrubtly)  
  
"That was you, Heero. You set them up and then mooned them. You evil bastard. You don't deserve to live. Poor Scott.."  
  
Heero jumped over them all to the other side of the room, gun pulled, "None of you move or I blast Duo."  
  
Duo laughs. "Go ahead. Try me."  
  
Heero shoots and the bullet passes right through him and hits the sitting Wufei right in the middle of his enlarged  
forehead.  
  
Quatre's eyes widen. "..Oh... my God...... You've... You've killed Wufei!"  
  
Duo rushes to grapple Heero, "You bastard! I'll kill you!" He promptly bites Heero's neck. Heero gets a frightened look  
before he goes completely limp. He raises again, head hanging. "urhgurhgrhhgghghguurhghruhgh...."  
  
Duo lets go of Heero and snaps his fingers. Heero walks away and teleports in the far corner. Duo then quickly does the  
same to all the other Gundam pilots. They do the same. Duo stands in the middle of the blood drenched room, laughing. 


End file.
